Spencer And The Psychological Voide

Psychological Voids

Psychological voids is a term used to encompass an internal psychological human experiences.

Voids are best seen as a lake of blackholes each creating their own magnetic disterbances which for eddies in the air above them. A wise human knows:

  • These voids are forever opening and closing in our life.

  • These voids mix together.

  • Once you have deeply fallen into a void it's hard to get out until you are spit out the far end.

  • It's sometimes wise to try to feed, fll or close these voids.

  • A good life does not require a lack of all voids. A life without voids might not be fully human.

  • Being a river man steering the experience of life above around the currents can lead to a challenging but good life.

    • Like a tugboat operator knows the currents of a bay so should we know the currents of our own hearts.

  • Less often then we hope is the answer (voids can be seen as puzzels to be solved) to a void exists externally to us. Most often we already hold the answer to the void or the current map of its eddies.

    • The process of revealing knowledge to ourselves is often like knowing the food in the tupperware contain in the fridge is gone bad but not wanting to look inside and confront the issue or like thinking there is a robber downstairs and not wanting to open the door and go look because of the fear of what we might find

  • Feels like:

    • FOMO

    • Lack - Not enoughness

    • Wasting time

    • Low Level Panic

    • "If I don't do it now I am going to miss out for life"

    • Every day that I am living with this void I am living a less than full life. Since I have limited days every day that I live less than full I am missing out.

      • Maybe a full life is to live into these voids and not to fill them.

Documentation Of Internal Dialogue:

  • "If I don't do it now I am going to miss out for life"

  • Every day that I am living with this void I am living a less than full life. Since I have limited days every day that I live less than full I am missing out.

    • Maybe a full life is to live into these voids and not to fill them.

Flavors of Spencer's Voids

Social Void

Even when I've been with people I love for several hours I feel empty in the evening.

This feels like a kid crying in the corner of the party. With people but alone.

How To Mindfully Engage With The Void

Touch in and recognize myself a person to dwell with.

Physical Feelings In Spencer's Body When He Feels A Void

  • Tightness

  • Curling In

  • Shallow breaths in upper register

Unsorted Thoughts On Void

Emptiness vs. Void

Mental Distrations

What I take refuge in an effort to avoid.

  • SoMe

  • YouTube

  • Netflix

  • Music

  • Audiobook - podcasts - NPR

  • Fake productivity Email

  • News - Blogs -

  • Cleaning

Love is not a xero sum game.

Mental Moods Spencer Has

Avoiding Things

  • I don't want to face the pain

  • This created a void

  • If find this blocks the flow.

  • Mental Loops

    • Social Media

    • Online dating

  • Skipping over productivity

    • Jumping from one idea to the next without ever sinking in.

Mellow chilling around the house. Tired and lackadaisical. Feeling type

What Feeds Spencer Spirit

Learning

  • Listening To Stories

  • Hard Conversations

  • Making Progress

  • Mindfulness

  • Being in the flow.


Optimizing Restorative Actions And Time

  • Having the explicit intention to be restorative

  • Doing it mindfully

Media and Mental Health

Fictional stories which are depressing or full of pain listed to for hours on end lead to me feeling depresses and full of pain. Be careful of what media I consume.

Decision Fatigue

  • What am I going to listen to?

Weekday Stress

During the week I seem to week I seem to have a constant background hum of stress that increases in the morning and decreases throughout the day.

Correlation With:

  • A meeting or some other specific point in time that is up coming.

  • More stress at the start of the week.

I feel it in:

  • My temples

  • Shoulder round in

  • Head tilts down

  • Short breaths in up 3rd of registry.

Feels Like:

  • Panic

  • I am missing something

  • I'm going to fall

  • Embarrassment

  • Being exposed

  • tightness

Positive Resonance

  • Notice the feeling.

  • Acknowledge that I am having this feeling.

  • Crack a little smile

  • Investigate where I am feeling this feeling and what I am feeling.

  • Accept the feeling as part of reality and treat it as a copassanger in life without trying to push it away.

  • Shoulders back and head up.

  • Diaphragmatic breathing

  • Mind Dump

Spencer's Background Stress

Other Words:

  • Primal Scream

  • Basic Fear

Spencer's Internal Voices

Lest you think Spencer is pscotic understand this is not a list of audiditory hilosnations but is rather a documentation of the different threads of inner diolage Spencer has. Witnesses and documenting these internaial voices but an external anthropomofization of them has been a health mental exersize.

Unsorted Mental Voices:

  • Pre activity internal storytelling voice.

  • Spencer's higher self

Spencer And Depression

Everyone is just a little bit depressed (like everyone is just a little bit gay) and while I am far from being depressed I have boughs of felling depressed (like all humans)

Triggers

  • Avoiding doing something. Feeling irresponsible

  • Spending time outside the flow

  • Bingeing

  • Too much media

    • Videos

    • Audio

      • Podcasts

      • Audio Books

      • Music with vocals

  • Spending unintentional time on social media.

  • Lounging around

  • Too much time in my head

  • Grazing

  • Not having a plan.

  • Not producing.

  • Producing too much

Fause Fixes For Depression

  • "Unwinding"

  • "Chilling out"

  • Eating lots of food.

Interruptions

  • Going for a talk

  • Turning my phone off

  • Drinking some water

  • Working out

  • Creating a short todo list and doing it.

Enoughness

Spencer spends his life trying to chase down problems, fill in gaps, avoid pain, chase after pleasure and all sort so things do “deal” with the Δ in where he is and what he things he wants. Spend a life “dealing” with the Δ is not what Spencer wants.

Trying to find contentment by producing, experiencing, or owning things, is like trying to climb a mountain of loss rocks. Each time you move up the ricks slide down.The answer is not to sit at the bottom of the hill and be content but to work at the bottom of the hill moving rocks while being content.

What is this story Spencer I am creating in my head? What is different between that person and me? What does that difference enable that person to feel that I'm not feeling. Can I feel that now without having the actual things different? Can I breath through the delt and embody the feeling I would like to have?

Micro Self Harms

Spencer finds that he harms himself in many small ways throughout the day. From nearly masochistic self talk that happens to the strange eating schedule these are not intentional and often go unnoticed but they do compound into nothing good.

This is the list of micro self harms Spencer tends to commit against himself:

  • If only…

  • Online dating

    • “Know one wants me”

    • “I am unique and that means there is not a person out there for me”

  • Avoiding doing things I know I should do.

  • Knowing that I could plan ahead - eveming mind dump - but not doing it leading to frustration and pain down the road.

Quirky Yoga Themes

  • Coping Mechanisms

    • You breath into mental tention the same way you breath into physical tention in yoga.

    • Something is calling for attention and is not that )desire for media, food, ect) rather it's a calling for whopness through a desire.

    • Breathing through the straw of expirnce

    • Grounding line (think electricity) with technology input and task management system with the "ground”.

    • Rain - , engage, dwell with

  • Meditation Ideas

    • Thought is not an unbroken stream. Rather is it like a movie in many disconnected thoughts with spaces in between

  • Our mental state is disoritned and we keep trying to defind ourselves in relation to the moving things around us which causes confusion when things change. What if we allowed ourselfs to be self defined and alow spcae for the disoritnedness.

Target Mind Set

  • Strength through relaxing

  • Components of a good moment: Touching in, challenge, movement or stillness, interxonmectedneas

Unsorted Mental Health Thoughts

I prefer to produce conflict when I'm uncomfortable because I'm more sure-footed in conflict and others are think Mario battle game

I wake up trying to fix the worlds problems but keep forgetting about my own.